Stop Snoring Now!

My independence, frankly. I’ve noticed several things over the last two years. My symptoms would all be worse when I didn’t work the weekend shifts on S-S. Why? Because I had to fit all of my 40 hours into M-F, when I was going to school, doing clinicals, preplanning and doing the 20+ page writeups associated with those clinicals each week.

More recently I’ve noticed that since I’ve been ward secretary more, it has added to my computer time. The aches and pains in my arms and hands increase in frequency and intensity. This suggests carpal tunnel or at least the beginning of it, as I have been checked/cleared of that too. I’ve become aware that if I do something or stay in one position too long, the symptoms start appearing. I can see some of the veins in my arms and on occasion I can lightly follow it and it produces a lot of pain for the amount of pressure I put on it.

I’ve known for a long time I have sleep apnea which may help explain my tiredness and high blood pressure. I’ve done a sleep study and they want to fit me with a CPAP machine. I’m resisting because I’m positive that the person who designs those has no social life or ever wants one. I’ve inquired as to the dental guard and unfortunately no dental office within an hour and a half drive provides that service, it requires at least 4 visits to make sure everything fits properly and  insurance won’t cover it. So out of pocket to the tune of $1,900.00. Student or not, that’s a lot of money out of pocket for anything.

Again what this boils down to is getting my life back, if I have to live another 40 years with all these symptoms which I can imagine would only get worse with age, no thank you… So what to do? Go back to basics…

I decided a week ago I would lose some weight, a lot of weight. Ultimately the goal is 208 pounds before my next birthday (August 25th) but between September 1st and March 21st I have a goal of 40 pounds minimum. What gain will this provide me?

1. The spare tire or small pony keg I carry around my middle will be largely gone. This means I can stand and sit up more straight during all my activities and will allow the flare-ups of my costal chondritis to be fewer and further between with less intensity. This will also mean I don’t have to walk around or sit around holding my stomach in out of embarrassment. This will allow me to relax more, walk around with a more relaxed countenance and have a relaxed body position/stance. As it is now, I only fully relax when I lay down, which explains why when I wake up in the morning I am largely symptom free most of the time. I am a pillow hugger and a shirt wearer but this is mostly because I don’t like my gut. When I have company, I almost always have  a shirt on.

2. Working out again. When school started I had a list of 7 priorities, one month into my sophomore year, it was down to 2 – school and work, in that order. I have since cut my hours to part-time which hopefully will free up enough time to work out, regardless of personal cost to my finances on a month to month basis. I hope this improves my circulation, I hope this re-defines my body to where it was before school and far beyond, I hope this reduces my stress and allows me to relax.

3. Reduce my stress,  reduce my stress, reduce my stress… Worrying about where to go, when to be there, how I’m going to pay for things, how am I going to get 100+ pages read, writeups written, etc. is not a fun way to go through school. At least now I’m going to sleep more, which will relax me and I’m going to start working out again which will provide a release as well. Hopefully the more weight I lose, the better I will feel, my self-image will improve and the tenseness of holding my stomach in will decrease, which should allow me to relax more and not make me feel like I’m always “on.” I only ever really truly feel relaxed when I am laying down, on my back is best.

4. Changing my diet and working out is only part of the equation though and I know it. I need to change my attitude and how I frame things. I’ve been better about letting things go but when the fit hits the shan, people go back to what they’re most comfortable with and that means reverting to previous behaviors. Which means I need to internalize a new attitude and one that welcomes the challenge and the change with the verve and vigor I try new things – way to work, learning something new, new food, restaurant, etc.

5. I wished I could say the last step would be the easiest but starting when I was in my early 20’s food became my salvation. Food was a way to be social, to celebrate, to make myself feel better, to not be bored, you name it, I ate because of or in spite of it. What was once my crutch has now become my cross to bear. I want to free myself from food and deal with life and all its grandeur in a way that is powerful and productive. I want to be able to stop my binges before they start, I want to be able to eat a small portion of ice cream instead of the whole half gallon, I want to be able to eat a few Doritos instead of the whole big bag, eat one piece of candy instead 20… It’s odd, when I’m able to fight off cravings and actually try foods because I want to instead of needing to, I find I actually enjoy them more and being an amateur foodie, I like that, a lot.

So 40+ pounds in 201 days is the goal. I went to one of my favorite websites (www.timeanddate.com) and found out how many days that was without having to do the math. I’m not sure why such a simple website is one of my favorites but it is. I think the fact that it doesn’t have gaudy colors, endless pop-ups and noisy ads to try to grab my attention is a big part of it. The 201 days does not include March 21st and it breaks down as follows:

6 months 20 days
28 weeks (rounded down)
4824 hours
289,440 minutes
17,366,400 seconds

So why those dates and why the ultimate goal of 208 pounds? September1st was simply a good place to start, the first step, the first of the month. March 21st is my last ever Spring Break. I’ve never taken a trip, I’ve always worked. This time is different. This is my second four-year degree and I’ve never lived on campus nor have I ever taken a road trip for Spring Break. After graduation and passing my NCLEX, I’m having several friends accompany me to an island for a private graduation party. I’ve never been out of the country and this is one way to do it.

The 208 pounds is courtesy of my favorite football player of all time. The emotional leader of the Dallas Cowboys when he played for them in the late 80’s and through most of the 90’s – Michael Irvin. That was his listed playing weight and I needed a goal, so his playing weight became my goal.